Daring Tales of a Determined Woman: Haters

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Haters. We all have them. But the word takes on a totally different meaning when you start getting what you want out of life.

I grew up with five older sisters, so it was only natural I’d hear a lot of critiquing. After all, they didn’t want me to make the same mistakes they did. I look back on some of the things my siblings said to me, and think that their bits of wisdom, however insulting they could be, were quite innocent compared to the pearls of nastiness I’ve encountered from others since then.

I blogged about the meaning of happiness not so long ago. Today, I’m going to connect haters with the pursuit of personal happiness, an endeavor that not everyone wins at. When many of those individuals see someone else conquering the same game they’re failing at, the fangs come out.  After much thought and many observations, I’m convinced that this is not my imagination. Because there’s a glaring line between the people who hate on me and the people who think I’m great. On one side of the line are those that either have not found happiness or don’t know where to look for it, and on the other side are those who’ve achieved a level of satisfaction in life. Is this true one hundred percent of the time? No. I know plenty of unhappy people who can still treat others kindly. And I’ve been kicked in the shins by happy people who can’t allow anyone else to be happy. But the the more humans I meet, and the more I see the quality of lives they have, and compare how they treat me based on that quality, the more I’m convinced that I’m onto something big here.

Make no mistake–I don’t expect everyone to like me. And when they don’t, I’m not exactly losing sleep over it. Nor do I like everyone. Hardly! But I’ll say this: in order for me to strongly dislike someone, they have to do some pretty bad crap to me. And even then, I tend to stick with the belief that everyone deserves to be happy. Though it can be pretty tough. Does that make me a doormat? Absolutely not. No one who knows me well would say that I am. And I’m also not one of those people who believes that everyone is born good. I’m in the middle of the road on that one, and feel that a person can go either way, based on his or her experiences in life. Those points out of the way, haters are motivators for me, too, but I can’t help but wonder why someone would dislike another person for being content.

Plenty of individuals have what I want. I’d love to sell as many books as James Patterson. I’d love to travel the world and make money at it like some of the successful bloggers I follow on Instagram. I’d love to have a solid relationship in my life like a (very) few (lucky) couples I know. But instead of hating on them for having something I don’t have, I use them as inspiration instead. They give me something to work toward.

Haters rain on the parades of people who try to find a bit of sun in everything.

Less than a year ago I extended the olive branch to someone I was having a ridiculous battle with, who was going through something that no one should have to go through. It was time. I sucked it up. It felt good, and I thought we were cool. But I recently found out that he has resorted to the same nonsense behind my back that got us into the original conflict. Clearly, he didn’t learn much from his personal tragedy. The situation leaves me flailing. Love your enemies…or not? For me, the verdict is still out on that one.

As a general rule, here are a few reasons you should not hate on someone, a few of which I have already mentioned: because they have what you want. Because they’re happier than you are. Because they can do things you can’t or wouldn’t do. Because they have a different skin color or are of a different gender. Because they don’t agree with everything you do and/or say. Because you can’t manipulate them.  Because you feel crappy about yourself and have to take it out on someone who has healthy self-esteem. Because you have an intense need to bring someone down. Because you have nothing better to do in life but worry about what others are doing. Because you think that happiness can be bought.

If there’s one trait I see in people who hate, it’s boredom. In this day and age, if you’re bored, I’m sorry, but something is terribly wrong. Boredom leads to bad things. When you have nothing going on in your life, you start nosing into the lives of others who have full and interesting lives. And then, the resentment begins.

I’m always weary of people who spend too much time commenting on every aspect of my life. The way I figure it, if that individual spent as much time picking apart his or her life as they do nit picking mine, maybe they’d find the solution to why they hate on other people?

This about sums it up:

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Nobody hates you when your life sucks. Take my word for it. I’ve been on both sides of the equation. The view from the happy side is lined with haters. The happier you are, the more they appear. But having an existence that you’ve worked hard for and that you’re proud of will always be the better alternative. Chin up!

Author: brendakstone

Brenda K. Stone is the pen name for Barb Lee, a native of Western Massachusetts who loves to write, travel the world, hike the world, and go to rock concerts. When not engaging in these particular adventures or the several other activities she enjoys that leave her no time for rest, you can find her dreaming of living on the roads of the American West in an RV, and her fuzz ball bunny Muffin not far away, probably sleeping.

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